can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
