Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
