Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
