that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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