my phone needs a breathalizer
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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