i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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