i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
God, I missed his penis.
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