either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
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His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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