I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
