Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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