apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.