Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.