You really coming over, don't trick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
