apparently the secret to your success is patron
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
