the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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