hotel room ftw
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
