so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
