Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
