There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
