Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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