Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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