I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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