thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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