I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
