he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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