i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
