Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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