I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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