Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
