okay pat passed out under dana's car
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
