Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
