based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this just has baby written all over it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
