Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
