I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
