I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
