i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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