just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
