end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Alive.
So much puke
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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