when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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