i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize