nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
