...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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