Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
