You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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