problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
