I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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