i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
