did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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