My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
