Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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