Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
