he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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