We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
