they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
