Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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