I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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