Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you had me at cake vodka
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I believe in your delicious
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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