And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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