I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize