There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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