My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
