My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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