im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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