All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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