Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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