Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
