You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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