i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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