i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
