At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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