Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
