Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
