I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
