so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
