We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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