Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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