once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
