I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
