He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
