The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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