I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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