Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
