I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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