If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
