It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
