we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
